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And when it comes to playing nice, in the corporate sandbox, PUT DOWN THE SHOVEL AND SLOWLY STEP AWAY FROM THE PAIL! Call off the dragons, tell the crocs to take a stroll and let the drawbridge down so, we can build masterpieces together!


Saddle up and hold on tight ‘cause this here pony’s a multi-trick! From driving sales to no hurdle’s too high, I’m all about thinking outside the stable. Where passion gallops deep and my mind grazes off creativity, rarer than a unicorn I am! A centaur of sorts, my muse that is ~ my dream of becoming a professional guru comes to mind, along with this position of course and a killer pair of Bedazzled pony-shoes for my muse!

- ATS -

Dear ATS Software,

Please pass my resume along to a human and kindly remind them that there are a lot of applicants out there that have been looking for a non-starvation wage-paying career for years on end, including myself. Also, would you be so kind as to consult with Artificial Intelligence in order to tell me what questions the hiring managers are planning to ask in advance so, I can prepare accordingly in hopes of landing a phone screen at the very least.

And if you insist on placing me in your recycling bin again or banishing me to your virtual tornadic cloud for the umpteenth time, I’ll scale your PC’s firewall and wreak havoc of epidemic proportions on its hard drive. But not before planting a virus that was designed to annihilate its mainframe and recode you technologically obsolete. (Don’t tell the recruiters I said that as it’d make their jobs ten times more complicated than it needs to be.)

Now that I got that off my c-drive, I’m a functioning quad-core processor and my dedicated memory bank is up to any task! Especially when it comes to, I download and retain information twice as fast as my predecessors and I can reprogram myself to cater to any application in the blink of an Intel Core i7, ping of an IP...


I’m a rare configuration, an algorithm all my own. I byte when I feel threatened, I love shortbread cookies and captchas are the death of me! I have been known to shut down without warning and currently I am unemployed and low on cache, true story. And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel compelled to jump out of a Windows 10-story building. Trust me, you’d feel the same way if you were jobless and in my re-boots.

AOL “goodbye”,

Jamie LaBree

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